London Zoo remains closed after tennis star attacked by frisky animal.

The gates of London Zoo remain closed following an incident that left tennis star Tim Henman hospitalised with severe "lower abdominal" injuries, according to sources. Details remain sketchy, but witnesses at the zoo stated that Henman was visiting the zoo's tiger sanctuary, when one of the creatures spotted the retired tennis player, grabbed him and dragged him into its pen.

Henman, often referred to affectionately as "Tiger Tim" was then "befriended" by the male tiger, who began a mating ritual usually only displayed to female tigers. Zoo staff reportedly tried to free Henman, but were only able to do so after the male tiger had successfully completed its business. London Zoo has released a statement stating that it “deeply regrets the incident.” It also added that it had not yet decided whether the animal will be put down. Meanwhile, Mr. Henman is said to be recovering well.

Terrorist groups warn Londoners to remain vigilant.

Terrorist groups across the world have asked Londoners to remain extremely vigilant following a series of thwarted attempts by the intelligence services to leave terrorist information on the capital's trains. In a joint statement, the terrorist groups said "These people have shown that they are prepared to recklessly leave information about terrorists in public places and are unconcerned about the safety of innocent bystanders. We think that this is a disgrace." They also asked Londoners to remain alert and report any unattended packages to them.

Shatner "outraged" by fellow Star Trek star's new book.

William Shatner, known to millions as Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise has expressed outrage at the publication of a new book by fellow Star Trek: The Next Generation star Michael Dorn. The book is a fictional account of Dorn's Klingon alter-ego Worf and details the character's speculative involvement in the death of Shatner's late wife Nerine. Michael Dorn has defended the book, stating that it is "just a work of fiction," but Shatner's lawyers disagree and have gone to court to get an injunction preventing the book from being published.

Nerine, William Shatner's third wife drowned in a swimming pool under mysterious circumstances in 1999. She was a long-time self-confessed alcoholic - and this is believed to have played a role in her death. The new book by Dorn entitled "If I Did it" details how the Klingon character Worf could have caused the death of Nerine if he had wanted to. William Shatner is said to be both devstated and deeply angry about the book. Some advance copies have been leaked on the internet, but if succesful, Shatner's lawyers could prevent the book's publication currently scheduled to hit stores next week.

Hillary retracts concession with bizarre explanation.

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has issued what many view as bizarre explanation with regards to quotes that have appeared in the media suggesting that she has conceded defeat to Senator Barack Obama. In a strongly worded statement, the Clinton campaign explained that Hillary had in fact said “I con seed Dee feet” – meaning that she was trying to “con a seed she saw growing on British comedian Jack Dee’s feet into believeing that it was in the soil, thus helping the seed to avoid feeling any sense of disorientation.” Many Democratic insiders have expressed disappointment over what they view as a somewhat implausible explanation.

Celebrity heavyweights join forces to oppose government cloning proposals.

Actor Kenneth Brannagh, television presenter Noel Edmonds and entrepeneur Richard Branson have joined forces to oppose the British government's plans to legalise the cloning of human embryos. In a strongly worded statement, the trio stated: "Each individual is a different and unique creation. To copy a living person is simply not moral."

New picture confirms hostage Michael Fish still alive.

Al-Qaeda has released a new picture of captured BBC weather presenter Michael Fish. The group captured him more than thirty years ago by pinning his arm to a weather map. A newly issued picture of Fish, confirms that he is not only alive, but also seemingly in good spirits. The British government as well as the BBC have called for his immediate release.

Brits celebrate last day before stabbing is outlawed on London's public transport.

Thousands of Brits travelled to London from all across the country to celebrate the last day in which it will be legally acceptable to stab someone with a knife on public transport. New Mayor Boris Johnston has decided to outlaw the practice, due to what he claims is the high cost of removing blood from trains and buses after each working day.

In typically British fashion, thousands of Londoners, joined by busloads of Brits from across the country, decided to celebrate the last day of legal stabbings in style. London Underground reported at least 320,450 severe knife wounds, with more than 10,000 deaths. Metropolitan Police chief Sir Ian Blair conceded that the police were unprepeared for these kind of numbers. Several London Underground stations even had to be closed for several hours due to severe overcrowding.

One 18-year-old eyewitness at Euston station said "I went in there with four knives I bought specially for the occasion...I got well out of it after a while - I managed to stab eight people and get stabbed myself twice!" However, some critics have worried that the ban may simply lead to stabbings being shifted to another location - "It's just part of our culture and the ban isn't going to change that," noted one participant recovering from the carnage at St. Thomas's Hospital, London.